The Bean- Brewed and Percolating

Well, you were all right- it doesn't matter how prepared you feel, you're never really ready. So many scenarios have presented themselves that we did not read about in a book and were not prepared to handle.

After 17 hours of labor and 4 hours of pushing, Charlotte Sunny Cotti was born on Thursday, February 24, 2011. She was 6.8 pounds, 20 inches long and had a 14 inch head. I was instantly in love. So far, being a mom has been an amazing experience, the good and the bad alike.

We could not wait to leave the hospital. I hate the hospital and I wanted to get her home to our own space. Well, hindsight being 20-20, I realize now, one more day would have been benefical to the both of us. Three days after being home, we were back in the hospital with breast feeding jaundice. Everyone kept telling me, up until that Monday night, that my milk would be coming in, keep trying to nurse her, but it never came in. After a couple days of colostrum, there was nothing for the baby to eat and she kept getting more hungry and dehydrated. As soon as we could Tuesday morning, we were at the pediatrician and we were on a formula-feeding schedule and in the hospital that afternoon.

There is no worse feeling than seeing your baby in pain, being poked with needles and laying in an incubator and knowing that there was something you could have done to keep her well, but your body failed. Once we got to the hospital, everyone was amazingly helpful (maybe even too helpful), they all wanted to make us feel better and bumbarded us with so much information and things to try going forward. After 24 hours under the UV lights, Charlie was out and back with us in our room, a lot less yellow, able to poop, and gaining weight.

I am still trying all I can to breast feed. After this week, if there's no milk, I will have to stick to the formula. This is something I did not prepare for, I didn't even know this could be an issue. I am glad that my baby is getting what she needs, I just wish I could be the one to give it to her...

Our First Dry Run

Well, I never thought I'd be the person to end up at the hospital and return home still pregnant, but it happened yesterday. Thought my water broke, but the midwife disagreed. It was good practice though. John was calm and cool, collected all our stuff, paid attention to all the visual cues I'd left for him around the house to help him get organized in a moment just like this and we were out of the house in 20 minutes. Two hours later, we were back home.

I had a non-stress test, had an exam, midwife tested for bacteria- all was good. The baby is doing great, I am 1 c.m dilated and 25% effaced and the midwife says I am looking good for my first baby. I wish those numbers were higher!

No one, including myself, feels this baby is going to be joining us any day soon. I have doctors' appointments up to March 7th and I already have my past-due ultrasound and non-stress test booked for the 2nd week in March. March is a good month to be born, right?

I'm sorry, my mouth works quicker than my mind.

Dear World,

I just want to apologize for my extreme candor lately, I have no filter. I have a tendancy to be forward; I've been told that I would "...tell them where the dog died". Well, in this last trimester of my pregnancy, it has gotten to the point where I can't control what words come out of my mouth. I am sorry for being offensive, I am sorry for being sarcastic, and I am sorry for laughing at your expense.

I would like to say that this will change, but it feels like it is beyond my control. I am aware the affliction (both my dibilitating frankness and irritance I've become to others) is affecting how you view me, but please believe it is not my fault.

I hope that I will be more puppies-and-rainbows once the baby is born, but until then, consider this a warning as well as an apology. There are situations when my mouth moves quicker than my mind. I am going to do my best to filter what thoughts escape...

Sincerely,

Danielle

"Brewing of the Bean"

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The B.B.A List

John and I have started checking off the items on our B.B.A List (Before Baby's Arrival List). I've heard that the mommy-to-be will "nest" before the baby arrives (defined as the uncontrollable need to clean one's house, brought on by the desire to prepare a "nest" for the new baby), but I think we are both involved in this nesting process. I've also read that nesting can lead to irrational tasks, such as scrubbing the stove with a toothbrush at 4 a.m; I do not think anything I've included on our B.B.A List is irrational, maybe preparing and assigning a name to an actual list is a little odd, but I want to be sure things get done. The list, so far, includes:

• Cleaning and scheduling any needed maintenance on my car (done)
• Preparing frozen meals for after Charlotte's arrival (done)
• Assembling, installing and organizing all the baby stuff (almost done)
• Cleaning all the baby's clothes, bedding and other washables (not done)
• Organizing my work stuff so I can easily pick up where I left off (almost done)
• Organizing all the pantry items so we have to do little shopping those first 6 weeks (almost done)
• Create more storage space (kinda done)
• Organize a child-care schedule for my return to work (not done)

I think these are all super-reasonable things, and seeing them listed and being able to check items off as I go, that makes me extremely happy! Anything I missed?

Making the Best of a Snow Day

Packing for the Hospital

Just like everything else related to pregnancy and child birth, you can find 2,000 different suggestions of what to pack for the hospital, from the high-class birthing dress (I didn't know child birth required formal wear) to the best ipod playlist, every website, twitterer, midwife and doctor has their opinion. Here's what we plan to pack, anything we forgot?

1. Slippers-I do not travel without slippers or slipper-socks


2. Toiletries- I have heard that the first shower after child birth is one of the most relaxing life experiences, I plan on being prepared


3. Nursing tanks and comfy, disposable pajama pants- for the days after Charlie is born


4. Something to keep us occupied- I purchased some Madlibs for the occasion


5. Birth plan


6. Charlie's first outfit (Do I need to pack anymore than what she's going home in?)


7. Charlie's coat and blanket


8. Cameras


9. Snacks


10. Extra $$ for the vending machine


11. Going home clothes for me


12. Netbook to update the blog!


13. A bathing suit for John- just in case I do decide to labor in the tub or shower, he can come too


14. The ipod- I have put John in charge of creating a playlist for the occasion, any suggestions of music to be included welcome!

I am sure there is something I am forgetting...

I Can't Wait to...

• wear pants with a fly (though, when I do get to wear normal pants again, I may not remember to put my fly up. It's been so long)
• sleep on my stomach
• sleep past 4:30 a.m
• drink a glass of wine or, even better, a martini!
• sit up straight
• lift weights in the gym
• go more than 2 hours without having to use the restroom
• wear sneaker, heels, knee-high boots
• meet our daughter!

On the other hand, I will miss...

• feeling my baby moving in my tummy
• always feeling like I could eat (I love to eat!)
• having a reason to not do things (clean the tub, carry in the groceries...)
• having an excuse to nap
• the experience of pregnancy.

Birth plan?

How do I plan something I have never done before? I feel like what I want might be a bit of a fairy tale. That's where my experienced-mommy friends come in. Please, read my birth plan; do you think it's a pipe dream or am I on a realistic path? Is this an experience that I will really have the option to plan, or is this beyond my control? I don't know.

Birth Plan

1. If labor begin naturally, when would you like to be admitted?
I would like to be on my feet and active for as long as possible. If that means not being admitted 'til later, than that's my plan; or, I will insist that I not be laying in a bed any sooner than necessary if I have to be admitted earlier.

2. Are you willing to have labor induced?
I do not want labor induced.

3. What is your attitude toward pain relief?
I want to give birth drug free, but if deemed necessary, I am not opposed to receiving medication. I would prefer to employ all other options, including laboring in water (not give birth in water), using a labor ball (whatever, it's a big yoga ball...), HypnoBirthing, etc., to avoid the use of medicinal pain relief.

4. Who do you want in the room with you when you deliver?
My husband only.

5. What are your desires regarding breastfeeding?
I want to breastfeed my baby as soon as possible. I would like to be breastfeeding within one hour of delivery.

Does this all seem reasonable? Is it possible to plan child birth?

We have created a little space for the baby. Our little co-sleeper family will be living together in this space for a while. Our living-arrangement plan feels right to me. We are going to be one little, closely-inhabiting family.